God Provides the Healing

I have read several books about abuse over the past few years. I find it interesting that so many of the abused speak of turning from their past, forging ahead in a different direction, or breaking relationships with their abusers. I believe that those behaviors are good and can provide some escape, but I believe true healing can only come from God. Accepting Christ as Savior is the beginning. From that point forward, God's Holy Spirit indwells and brings emotional healing that no other source can bring. God in his great wisdom is able to perform heart and mind surgery, removing the emotions of fear, doubt, anger, and hatred, much like draining the infection from an open wound. As those negative powers are removed, His love, peace, mercy, and grace fill the voids, and true healing begins.

For me, the first step was learning to see myself as being created in the image of my Savior with specific gifts, talents and experience, rather than as a failure with no potential. I needed to understand and believe that He had a purpose for me that no one else could fulfill. I needed to move from nursing my wounds and blaming my abuse for my failures, and I needed to accept the truth that I could not make those changes on my own.

I made my decision for Christ when I was in junior high, but spent years trying to "pick myself up by my own bootstraps" to prove I could be better than what others had predicted. I learned that if I followed the rules and did what was expected by the adults in my life, I was given extra privileges which made me feel good about myself. However, if I failed, I felt worthless. As I look back over my high school years, I see the reality of my belief that my worth was in what I did, rather than in who God made me to be. For example, I was fortunate to have a wonderful English teacher during my sophomore year who decided to mentor me academically, bringing my C-D grades up to A's. I spent hours on homework to earn those A's and when I didn't make it, I felt my life was over. One term I carried my grade slips home and threw them down on the table in front of my foster mother and the other girls in the house, then stomped up the stairs and slammed the door at the top. Everyone was shocked, believing that I couldn't have possibly failed a class. Then Ma picked up the grade slips, read each one, and walked up the stairs to see me. I had received 5 A's and 1 A-, and she could not understand my problem. She was excited about my grades, but I was shattered. That A- told me I was a failure.

Finally, I reached a point when I began to trust God rather than focusing on my own efforts. And change began. The pain of the abuse and the fear of my mother's threats controlled my heart and mind; however, as God began his surgery, I found myself looking at myself and my mother differently. As I began recognizing her personal fears, her lack of security and support, and her inability to deal with her ever growing family, I began to see what I was becoming. Realizing her personal frailty was eye-opening, but it did not erase the fear and "victimization" I continued to feel. Eventually, I realized that I needed to forgive her, which I did. As a result, began to change how I felt about myself, and I found myself praying that someone would enter her life who would reach her heart for Christ. As I began praying for her, my fear and anger began to fade. God was draining the infection. I would like to say this was a quick healing, but like most difficult and serious surgeries, it has required years of therapy. Finally, I can say that I feel the healing and my emotional scars are fading.

The world offers formulas, such as meditations and other behavioral changes which can lead to some level of overcoming the emotional injuries of their past. But God does not rely on formulas. He reached into the very depths of my heart and replaced those emotional infections with his love, peace, mercy, and grace. Who wouldn't want that?