Learning to Trust

Trust, for most people, is something they understand and accept. As infants, most children quickly learn to trust their mother's voice and the touch of her hand. Little girls learn quickly that their Daddies will protect them from the monsters under the bed. With these trusting relationships in their childhood, children learn to trust their friends, and the other adults in their lives. Trust is pretty much a normal part of their nature.

Without those trusting relationships early in life, the ability to trust is very difficult to develop. Lack of the ability to trust affects their ability to make lasting friendships or find stability in almost any other kind of relationship.

Throughout scripture there are references comparing the behavior of our earthly fathers to those of our heavenly father. In Luke 11:13, the scriptures relate a comparison of the generosity of our early father to the greater generosity of our heavenly father, Hebrews 12:9 compares our earthly father to the discipline of our heavenly father. Matthew 5:45 states that we can be children of our father in heaven. With these statements, is it any wonder that the characteristics we see in our earthly father's have a strong influence on the characteristics we see in our Abba Father, our Daddy?

As I child, I suffered unspeakable abuse at the hands of my mother and her gentlemen friends and my father did nothing to stop it. Rather than providing me with the protection he should have given, he walked out, went to work, and pretended everything was fine in his life. That is the image I have of him. Sadly, I have brought that image into my relationship with others in my adult life and to my relationship with my heavenly father. Just as I wanted to believe that my father truly loved me and wanted to be there for me only to realize he was not there for me, I have often found myself questioning the promises of God's steadfast presence and loving care of me on a day by day basis. Although I fully believe that Christ's death provided my salvation and that one day I will be with Him in heaven, I have struggled with our day to day walk. My earthly father expressed his love, then left me to face the day to day struggles on my own. Does my heavenly father do the same?

So why am I sharing this? This trust issue is one of the most difficult emotional issues for complete healing from my abuse. I find it difficult to trust anyone, including my husband. How blessed I am to be married to a very loving and patient man. He is able to love me in spite of how often I feel "let down." But even more difficult, has been my inability to separate the messages I received from my earthly father from the messages of my heavenly father. I'd like to say those doubts are gone, but it is not that easy. I have reached the point of understanding that trust or my lack of trust is the problem. I have also reached the point where I know, at least in my head, that God is not like my earthly father. Although those doubts still arise, they no longer haunt me. I am learning to respond quickly to reject those ideas and recite scriptures that describe Him as He is. I have learned that He does not let me down or walk away when the rough spots arise. Instead, I have been listening the the words of Satan. As Christ answered the tempter with words of scripture, I am finding it easier to send my tempter away as I quote God's words of love and fellowship. I know that as time moves forward and I continue to recite His promises, the tempter will walk away, just as he did with Christ.

Scars of abuse are deep. The physical scars scab over and heal, but the emotional and spiritual scars often require God to heal from the inside. This takes time and effort on His part as well as mine
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I praise my Savior for His unending love and sacrifice that began my walk with Him. I am grateful for His patience with me and the power He has given me to work through this issue. I have not reached perfection, but I have a heavenly Father who is perfect. Someday I will sit on my Abba Father's lap and truly enjoy his ever present love, comfort, and mercy.